Thursday, June 11, 2009

What is courage? Or bravery?

Something I didn't share about my audition in the previous post -- one of my interviewers told me that I am quite courageous, to go after the music therapy degree like this, with the audition and everything. The idea surprised me. I didn't argue, but I was sort of like "Hmm..." Apparently she like that response, and it just convinced her even more that I am courageous.

That got me to thinking, and I remembered something that happened some years back. I was in fencing class (yes I used to do fencing :D I should get back into it when I get the time) and I knelt down. We'd been playing some game, where when you get "killed" you have to kneel down. Then when the one who killed you gets killed, you're back in the game. But when I went to stand back up, I couldn't.

There's something that sometimes happens with my leg. I've been told that it's a cramp. I dunno. It's something, and it isn't pleasant. It's quite painful, in fact. When it happens it can be quite painful to straighten the leg back out again. But when it gets straightened out, it's ok. It feels a little weak for a little, perhaps, and I'm wary of bending it too much too soon, but it's ok.

So there I was, unable to stand up. I got myself into a sitting position where I could try to deal with my leg. The teacher noticed something was wrong, came over to me, and took off my mask. I explained to him what was wrong, and said it was going to hurt to straighten it out. (As it turns out there's a trick that makes it almost painless, but I hadn't discovered it yet when this happened.) Then I forced myself to straighten the leg, and I was able to get up. I wasn't about to do any more fencing after that, but luckily it was the end of class anyways, so I didn't miss anything.

Would you care to guess what the teacher said, right after I'd straightened my leg out? "You're really brave to do that." I was stunned.

If you asked me to described myself in a few words, I wouldn't use the words"brave" or "courageous." I have anxiety problems. I'm scared of spiders. I'm scared of fire. I'm sometimes scared of the dark (but I'm much better about that now). I'm even scared of logs jutting up from the murky depths of lakes when I'm out on a boat. Now that is a pathetic phobia. lol

So what is courage or bravery, anyways? I guess it's facing your fears. Hmm...

I'll leave it at that for now. Maybe I'll blog more about this later. For now, I still have stuff to do before bedtime, and I really should at least attempt to get a decent amount of sleep.

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