"It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."
The above quote is from Ursula K. le Guin's book The Left Hand of Darkness, and it's one that I've been sort of thinking on recently.
The problem is that I'm not really enjoying my journey anymore. And I've realized that I'm not even at all enthused about the end of the journey -- becoming a music therapist -- anymore, let alone being a music major. Yes, I love my music, it has been a huge part of my life and will always be a huge part of my life. But I'm not enjoying it so much anymore, and I miss my books big time.
When I was at Portland Community College I took a lot of English classes, but hardly any music classes. It's because I got my music fix outside of school, in Sweet Adelines and other places. When I became a music major I figured that I would be able to just switch those two around; that is, study music in school and get my book fix outside of school.
That hasn't worked out quite as planned, however.
So to recap, I'm not enjoying my journey, let alone being a music major. To be completely honest, I haven't even wanted to touch my piano in the last month, and I've been hiding in my books to avoid thinking about decisions I have to make (such as whether to stay a music major).
It seems to me that the best thing to do is to become an English major. True, that means that I won't be in the health field. But being a music therapist isn't the only way to help people.
I do want to acknowledge the fact that I've been depressed, and I have considered the possibility that my unhappiness could be due to that, and not to being in the wrong major after all. But then again, how do I know that my depression doesn't have something to do with being in the wrong major? I really don't know, so I figure I should do what my gut instinct says, which is to switch majors.
I guess I'm talking as though I've already made the decision to change. I think I have, sort of, but I'm hesitating. I want to think it over a little more. But yeah, I'm pretty sure that I will officially become an English major in the next week.